Eddie Eagle vs Joe Camel

I was perusing NRATV—yes, the NRA broadcasts 24 hours a day!—to choose my favorite ‘freedom and firearm-related programming’ for the afternoon.

Did I want to hear Dan Bongino crack the code and expose ‘the real agenda‘ behind March for Our Lives? Or would I rather get to know why Dana Loesch* thinks, in her simpleton’s binary, ‘Too Immature to Carry, Then Too Immature to Make Policy’? 


What caught my eye at N-rat television was a program called Eddie Eagle!

The existence of a cartoon character like Eddie Eagle tells us that somewhere deep in their cold black hearts the ideologues who run the NRA may indeed have a semblance of conscience. After all, they’ve created a mascot meant to safeguard the Republic’s youngest fuzzballs by teaching them what to do should they encounter a firearm.

Kids—Stop! Don’t touch! Leave the area! Tell an adult!

What puzzles me about this nurturing instinct at the NRA is this. How effective is their gun safety program when a madman armed with an AR-15 shows up at school? ‘Stop! Don’t touch! Leave the area! Tell an adult!’  Um…

And how does this instinct to protect the young square with the NRA’s downright cruel taunting of high schoolers from Marjorie Stoneman who, just a month ago, were traumatized by the most badly mislaid weapon of all times? As N-rat host Colion Noir (not his real name…) said Friday of the Parkland survivors: 

“To all the kids from Parkland getting ready to use your First Amendment to attack everyone else’s Second Amendment at your march on Saturday, I wish a hero like Blaine Gaskill had been at Marjory Douglas High School last month because your classmates would still be alive and no one would know your names, because the media would have completely and utterly ignored your story, the way they ignored his,” Noir said—forgetting that a trained, professional, armed lawman—the so-called hero good guy with a gun—was at MSD that day. And he wasn’t done with his carnage.

“They’re running Season 5 of their gun-control reality show, featuring the freshest cast of characters yet in their modern march on Washington. Except this time for less freedom. These kids ought to be marching against their own hypocritical belief structure.”

Does Colion Noir even understand what this last part means? I don’t. How is it hypocritical to employ the First Amendment in reviling abuses of the Second?

It appears that for the blackhearted NRA leadership, by the time our children reach high school, they are no longer to be loved and nurtured and protected. Instead, they are the enemy to be attacked with vitriol.

Why? I blame Eddie Eagle. If he did a better job convincing kids that freedom is all about barrel length, muzzle flashes, and exit wounds, we would have a well-armed, militia-ready school system that could take on those of us who prefer sensible limits on access to military-grade weapons.

If Joe Camel could teach the children the joys of filling their lungs with tar, perhaps Eddie Eagle can teach them the joys of filling school corridors with bullets.



*Pictured above, threatening to burn your First Amendment right.


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