As I watched Charlton Heston lead the chosen people out of Egypt last night I wondered: in a remake of The Ten Commandments, would Ted Nugent play Moses?
Nugent, whose awful music from the 1970s apparently qualifies him to talk down to us about such weighty matters as constitutional law, seems to be the NRA’s replacement for Heston when it comes to celebrity gun spin.
The draft-dodger’s recent attacks on the victims of gun violence at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School have convinced me that today, of all days, is the right day to join the NRA.
I’m motivated to join today in part by the choice of a free gift like the Digital Camo NRA Duffel Bag, the NRA Rosewood Handle Pocket Knife, or the NRA Black and Gold Shooter’s Cap.
I’m motivated in part by the choice of a subscription to magazines like American Rifleman, American Hunter, Shooting Illustrated, and America’s 1st Freedom (but sorry, NRA: the right to bear arms isn’t even the First Amendment to our many freedoms).
I’m motivated by the member-only discounts from the NRA Wine Club, because nothing mixes better than bullets and booze. And I’m motivated by the quality programming on NRATV, which comes to me sponsored by Ruger, Smith & Wesson, Mossberg, Sig Sauer, and many others who profit off the mass-distribution of deadly weapons.
But most of all, I’m motivated to join the NRA today because today is April Fool’s Day.
The NRA may not be the only or the biggest or the loudest ship of fools in the DC area right now. But they are one of the most consistently foolish. And choosing Ted Nugent—who told High Times in 1977 about living in shit- and urine-caked pants ahead of his physical for military service so the Army would declare him ineligible under physical, mental, and moral standards—as a public face of the institution may just be their most foolish move yet.
It’s also a sign of how morally degenerate the NRA’s message has become. After all, they’ve given the mic to a chickenhawk without the moral conviction to carry a weapon when his nation called him to serve. Worse yet, as the transcript of his interview reveals, Nugent holds a pretty low attitude toward those who do. (‘Do you think I was gonna lay down my guitar and go play army? Give me a break!’)
Today is April Fool’s Day, the perfect day to join the NRA.