An Interview with Fred

comeyToday I have the pleasure of interviewing an old friend who pops up at inconvenient times, Frederick Butts-Insky. He’s got a job not a lot of people know about, though he works for an organization we’re all familiar with. They are charged with protecting, among other things, the integrity of our great democracy, and I must say they are doing a bang-up job.

Hello, Fred. Thanks for joining me.

FBI: Good Morning.

ME: Can you tell me why you sent that letter to congress last week, knowing it would impact the election just 11 days before the American people were scheduled to vote?

FBI: I felt it incumbent on me to tell Congress what I knew I didn’t know after I had previously told them I was done looking into a subject I thought I knew enough about.

Me:  Come again? Is this a Donald Rumsfeld situation?

FBI: It is a kind of known unknown, yes.

Me:  Are there other known unknowns that you’ve hidden from congress?

FBI: I’m sure of it.

Me:  So why reveal this one and not the others?

FBI: There’s only so much time in the day.

Me:  But why reveal this one at all?

FBI: Because I am a man of integrity.

Me:  Let’s focus on the impact the revelation has had on the election.

FBI: I’m too ethical a man to engage in political discussion.

Me:  Yes, clearly you are an extraordinarily ethical man.

FBI: When it comes to moral rectitude, I claim the high ground.

Me:  Because the shit rolls downhill?

FBI: Because I am holier than thou. Nobody understands the equities I balance.

Me:  Did you consider that the path of silence in the face of ignorance was also an option?

FBI: You mean like, better to keep quiet and have people think me an idiot rather than open my mouth and remove all doubt?

Me:  Yes.

FBI: I never considered that.

Me:  One question more?

FBI: Yes.

Me:  In the 9 days since you removed all doubt as to your idiocy, have you uncovered anything you can reveal that shows all this was worth it?

FBI: Sorry, the answer I must give is “No.”

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