Not long ago, selecting deodorant came with a sense of… not humiliation, exactly. Not quite shame. Mild embarrassment?

Here, in the grocery store, under fluorescent lights and warbling muzak, I admitted to an indefatigable human failing: my stinky pits.

No more.

Thanks to Old Spice, all dressed up for modern times, I need not hide my face as I sidle down aisle 13 beyond Self Care and Paper Goods before reaching the Frozen Foods and Dairy aisles. (Hello, Reddi Wip…)

Thanks to ye Olde Spice, I can sweat with swagger. And not just any ordinary old run-of-the-mill Swagger like one might find at the State Department, for example.

Nosirreee, in today’s swampy, sweaty climate, I can hide my foul rot beneath a few bold strokes of an even newer, more improved version of Old Spice Swagger: Stronger Swagger.

So long, Speed Stick. It’s been nice knowing you.