Debate Predictions

With an hour til tip-off, here's how my money rides. The number of times Trump does the following ten things: Sniffs the mic: 120+ Makes a tiny circle with his thumb and forefinger: 30+ References rigged elections: 20+ Notes Hillary's lies: 15+ Notes Hillary's corruption: 15+ Says "Crooked Hillary": 12+ Lauds his business smarts: 12+ … Continue reading Debate Predictions

Absentee Ballot

Here I sit, brokenhearted Came to vote but only farted.* How the air is thickening! Oh, the stink is sickening! I have to choose between these two? I'm on the throne just let me poo! I'll never again vote absentee While squatting here, in luxury. Don's soft wipe will be mine soon That hair of his … Continue reading Absentee Ballot

My Speech for the DNC

I wasn't surprised to learn the DNC would go with President Obama instead of me last night. And in some ways I'm glad they did. It was an awesome speech about our great Republic. Bravo. Had I been given the chance to let my own voice ring out in Philadelphia, this is what I would have … Continue reading My Speech for the DNC

Wiggle Room and Windmills for the Democrats

Having re-cast the 2016 Republican presidential contenders as their literary counterparts, I'm taking a look at the Democrats. Hillary Let's keep gender out of this. Gender---like all demographic attributes---neither qualifies nor disqualifies a candidate for my vote. It would be just as sexist to vote for HRC because she is a woman as it would be not to vote for her because is … Continue reading Wiggle Room and Windmills for the Democrats