I’ll admit it—I’m a bureaucrat. A federal bureaucrat. I’m not some fancy ad-man in a pinstripe suit on Madison Avenue.

Still, I know a thing or two about language. And when I see lousy wordplay in advertising, it bothers me.

Take this insurance ad, targeted at the dreary, browbeaten federal workforce (it’s on a bus stop right outside my dreary gov’t office building).

Peace of mouth? Is that supposed to be a play on “Peace of Mind?” Because it’s not. There’s no such thing as Piece of Mouth or Peace of Mouth. This ad makes no sense. And it makes me feel so sorry for the model or actress or dreary gov’t bureaucrat who probably had no idea they were going to use her smiling image for such uninspired advertising.

The only way the Peace of Mouth campaign works for me would be if GEBA (the Government Employees’ Benefit Association) advertised a plan for proctology and called it “Peace of Ass”. But what do I know, I’m just a dreary federal bureaucrat with dreary insurance options for my peace of mind.