My nominations for The Stephen T. Colbert Award for The Literary Excellence continue.

Writers, friends, and fellow bureaucrats looking for the most eloquent way to describe their mood this past week should look no further than Sterling Johnson’s masterpiece of contemporary literature: English as a Second F*cking Language.

This gem, in the shape of Strunk & White’s classic treatise on grammar, is far more than just a list of great cuss words. It provides far more than easy to follow instructions on how to swear, properly. It also categorizes the Need to Know, Nice to Know, and Forget Its when finding colorful ways of expressing yourself. The book itself falls into the category of Need to Have, with brilliant examples of usage on every page:

“I shit a brick” (See the IDIOMS section).
“I shit a porcupine” (See a good proctologist).

Wake up, America. These are the times we live in. English as a Second F*cking Language will help you bone up on authentic cussing in English so as not to be misidentified and targeted for deportation.

“Heroes, by buying and reading this book, you’ve proven you get it–and are therefore now members of the nominating committee for The Stephen T. Colbert Award for The Literary Excellence.” Use the medallions below to nominate any book that you feel embodies the values of the Colbert Nation.”

Previous nominee for 2016: Ted Prokash, The Brothers Connolly