Calling Mr. Robot

If the leadership really wants to improve our healthcare insurance, they should start with a phone call to Blue Cross Blue Shield. In 12 seconds or less they’ll learn that legislating insurance can only make America great again if it kills the robots taking our calls.

I’m sorry, I did not understand your response.
‘That’s because you’re a robot.’
I’m sorry, I did not understand your response.

Even the privileged elite in congress should recognize the futility of this conversation.

When it comes to punching numbers from a menu, the only option I want is which muzak I hear while waiting for a non-Robot to rescue me.

Press 1 for Beethoven.
Press 2 for Dwight Yoakam.
I’m pressing 3 for Beck: Loser.

Let me also point out the amazing new job opportunities that await the coal miners who’ve been misled to believe their jobs are coming back. Sadly, like the dinosaurs, those jobs are extinct. That means forever. But with proper legislation, every one of those guys can have cushy employment wearing nothing but their underwear and a fancy headphone/microphone thingy. Forget tunneling underground in a yellow hardhat; they won’t even have to leave the house to answer all our healthcare questions!

Another great advantage to legislating robots out of healthcare: When the customer service rep finally does speak up, I won’t feel vindictive, forced to pretend I’m a robot myself:

‘How may I assist you today?’
Press one if you would like to assist me with my Dental coverage. Press 2 to let me speak to your supervisor. Press-.
-‘I’m sorry sir…’
To hear the menu of options again, please stay on the line.
‘Sir, I don’t understand.’
Press one if you would like to assist me with my Dental coverage. Press 2 to let me speak to your supervisor. 

Finally—let’s legislate away the brief survey about customer satisfaction at the end of the call. Instead, let’s make it a legal requirement to tell the insurers right away how much their customer service robots suck.


2 thoughts on “Calling Mr. Robot

  1. “I don’t understand…”
    “That’s because you’re a robot.” That’s exactly what I say. Then I keep talking nonstop until the robot gives up and transfers me to an agent who can’t answer my question anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

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